Customer Service. Wha’!? Where?

It's done, I did it, I typed "The End" to my vampire slayer novel and was just settling back to bask in my own glory when the reality of this sillly little planet you call home snuck up and bit my tail feathers.

Let me elaborate...

Customer service seems to be an unknown phenomenon in many parts of this planet. If the kind of stuff that masquerades as “customer service” here happened on Novapulse it would result in a lot of funerals. Customer service is something we take VERY seriously.

So imagine my annoyance at the kind of stuff I see on Earth.

I’ve recently had a run in with the telecom company concerning my internet connection. I know you call it the information superhighway but frankly, I call it a country lane crowded with sheep and tractors (think rural Ireland and you’ll get the idea). To me the internet, as a means of communication, is primitive at best. And while I’m obliged to accept humans are not as advanced as other species, I must tell you telepathy is far more effective. But be that as it may. When on Earth do as Earthlings do.

Sigh.

Dial-up was never an option, the country lane is bad enough, so broadband, Chicken Man informed me, was the way to go. The trouble is, the local telecom company doesn’t appear to know what it’s doing. My mail keeps going missing and not even I, with all my superpowers can retrieve it. And then I discovered why.

The telecom company have put in a spam filtering system that eats mail. (Of course if the idiots amongst you didn’t spam in the first place…)

In an attempt to set right the wrongs being done to me, I sent numerous emails to the company. The trouble is they don’t reply. Not a chirp, not a peep, not so much as an “ever so sorry.” So now I’m getting mad. And a mad chicken is not to be messed with.

My latest letter to the company sets the tone – I thought I’d share it with you.

It is conceivable that customer service at your company is an unknown thing. It is also possible that you are all works of fiction (and therefore don't
exist in reality) or you are dead. I'm going to go with either the former
or the latter options.

Just in case I'm wrong, I'd appreciate it if you would refer to my previous emails and, if you are alive and have half a single family brain cell between the lot of you, that you would do both Chicken Man and I the courtesy of replying to our mail.

I was told that the troublesome spam system was being replaced. Clearly,
since my bounce messages still indicate the same problem, this has not
happened. Perhaps the technicians responsible have also died.

RIP

Your sincerely

Atyllah the Hen

I'm not going to hold my breath for a reply - a blue face does not suit me. However, I am sharpening my beak and claws...