Geunn Runny Grinny’s Pist Granny’s Post

Sto tjiw So thit So thos S aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Ba-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

I don’t know how Atyllah tolerates it. Imagine having to put on a human suit every time you want to send a message to anyone. Typing with wings is impossible, as I’ve just discovered. Oh for a world of telepathy.

Anyway, I’ve shrugged into my Ava suit (very sexy, if I say so myself) and am sitting here, while Atyllah and that twit Chicken Man are out. Heh heh heh.

I caught Atyllah doing this typing stuff the other day and have been taking lessons while she wasn’t watching. I also managed to telepathically extract her password from her. Cunning, eh? Now I’ve got a chance to sit down and send a message on this thing - primitive though it is.

I hope there are lots of humans out there reading this because I have some issues to take up with you.

First of all, you’re brainless. You’re so half-witted you make Ima Dolt and Dumphluck “I’m a hundred sandwiches short of a picnic” Von Cluck from planet Hooahwe look like the intellects of the year.

And the reason you’re so dim is because you’ve got too much ego. And you’ve got too much ego because you’re too afraid.

In fact, you’re so afraid that you make Nervus “I’m shivering in my timbers” Rek look like the steadiest ant on planet Antilla.

And your fear makes you arrogant and greedy – just like everyone on planet Memymine (inhabited by a lower form of pond life). On top of that you’re powering-mongering and myopic. And you’re aggressive, so much so that you make Vera Killu from planet Wannawar and, the entire Klingon and Cardassian races, look like ‘ittle kittens. You’ll have to agree (I’ll make you), that doesn’t make for a nice kind of species. And because you’re so clucking scared, dense and all that other stuff, you’re wrecking your planet.

Now frankly, under normal circumstance I wouldn’t give a rotten corncob if you wrecked Earth. Go ahead, pour toxins into your rivers and your atmosphere, modify the genetics of your food and poison yourselves, cut down your forests, melt your polar icecaps and kill off all other life. But here’s the thing that does bother me, your poisonous activity is starting to leak out of your galaxy and filter through the wormholes into the universe. That means it’s going to affect ME! And I won’t have it. Not one little bit of it!

It would be fine if messing with your planet’s environment just killed you off – that would be a relief - everyone else in the universe could rest easy but the trouble is while you’re trying to kill your planet, your planet is planning to revolt (you’re already seeing signs of it) – and the risk of explosion is huge - and then the rest of us will be threatened by your rottenness.

If the other worlds out there are to have any chance of not being affected by your vile ways we’re going to have to find a way to cordon off Earth.

To my mind, there is a simpler way of dealing with matters – though, if your daily news is anything to go by, you might just take that route yourselves…

I was wondering, when I made the decision to visit Atyllah, just what I was going to do during my stay. But now it’s clear. Having been here for a week and a half, I realise I need to save you from yourselves. I think I’m going to start by ensuring you all become vegetarian. If you don’t co-operate, I’m going to come and eat you – just like you’ve been eating my distant cousins for years. And I’ll be dealing with all flesh-producing farmers in my own special way.

It’s full moon in the 9^th, best you all remember that.

Oh Ba-kaaaaak! Atyllah’s arrived.

Just remember; Granny’s watching!

To quote Atyllah: “Eat tofu or die!”

Heeheeheeeeheheheheheeeeeeeee….